Visions of Myself

Sometimes like driftwood
Swept along by the current
Caught in whirlpools
Cast aside on the shore
Wet and defenseless

Sometimes like a leaf
Dropped from a tree
Buffeted by the winds
Piled on the sidewalk
Drying and lifeless

Sometimes like a pebble
Lying on the street
Kicked by children
Walked on by passersby
Alone and purposeless

Sometimes like a cloud
Suspended in the sky
Attacked by the sun
Pushed with urgency
Wispy and shapeless

Sometimes like an eagle
Soaring in flight
Riding the thermals
Seeing all beneath it
Serene and fearless

Sometimes like a bee
Buzzing along with purpose
Collecting drops of nectar
Making sweet honey
Busy and tireless

Sometimes like a sea
Stretching across the horizon
Cradling life in its bosom
Ebbing and flowing
Deep and bottomless

Sometimes like a lover
Yearning for the union
Drunken in ecstasy
Lost in another
Detached and selfless

Sometimes like the Infinite
Beyond words and description
The doer of all deeds
The dancer and the dance
Pervasive and limitless

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I am disturbed by evanescence.

I am disquieted by ephemerality.

I am disconcerted by expediency.

I am bewildered by instability

I am befuddled by inconsistency

I am bemused by infidelity

Time was, when life was revelations unfolding
And every day a dawn of discovery
Time was, when my mind was an open vessel
And every book a chance to imbibe
Time was, when there were teachers all around
And every conversation an opportunity to grow
Time was, when stepping forth was an act of faith
And every relationship a reason to believe
Time was, when falling made me get up stronger
And every rebuke a gift of learning
Time was, when I saw the world without lenses
And every person just a fellow human
Time was, when friends were easy to make
And loving an unconditional act
Time was, when ignorance was a badge of honor
And every question an honest one
Time was, when spirit was not clouded by religion
And every prayer an echo of the soul
Time was, when I stood so much in awe of creation
And every living thing a part of the pattern

I said I loved you
and wanted to be with you every moment
I wanted to hold you
and guard you jealously from covetous eyes
When I protect and possess you
I become your enemy
As then I am blind
to your glory as an individual.

I bought you a book, a book I really liked
hoping that you would like it as much
you read it and told me you hated it
now I feel that you don’t love me
but I am I and you are you
why should you like everything I like ?
we can still like each other, can’t we ?
by accepting that you can be different, yet nice
I have begun to love you truly.

You have done well in life, they said
you are brilliant, and I tended to agree
Then came the time I failed miserably
and they pulled me down from my pedestal
Between these violently differing perceptions
of my abilities, I couldn’t choose
Till I realized that I was seeing my reflection
in a very uneven mirror
The facts had never changed !

Only when I looked for a shoulder to cry on
did I realize that I was really alone
More lonely when in a crowd
the deafening silence amongst the screams.

People disturb my essence
acquaintances pollute my communion
I have a very small circle of care
within which I put a few friends
The rest are just drifters
destined to become relics of the past
Theirs is just a passing significance
a coincidence in time and space.

Sitting alone in judgement
over my inner conflicts
And did I arrive !
at conclusions, or confusions!

If you are sensitive to my depression
then I’ll die for you
But please tell me if you care
I’ll love you for your truth
if you admit that you hate me
Its your shallow love that kills me
please don’t do this to me.

If it is such an effort to be myself
isn’t the unnatural self the real me ?

My life has had moments of joy
but sadness has been the larger truth
when I am happy, I am myopic
my life takes on pretences of permanence
If my boat never rocked, I would think
that the ocean is only a surface
In my depressions, I see the light
and in sadness, I create
So if you ask if I’m happy or sad
I’d say I’m happy I’m sad..

So it unravels

One thread at a time

The fabric we weave

Of living and loving

So it darkens

One cloud at a time

The horizon we seek

Of hoping and arriving

So it crumbles

One hurt at a time

The foundation we build

Of supporting and believing

So it flickers

One gust at a time

The candle we light

Of caring and comforting

So it weakens

One fight at a time

The bond we forge

Of having and holding

in every dusk a new dawning

in every cloud a new lining

in every storm a new calming

in every winter a new warming

in every hurt a new caring

in every frown a new smiling

in every silence a new calling

in every crime a new forgiving

in every sleep a new awakening

in every shunning a new welcoming

in every condemning a new redeeming

in every betrayal a new believing

in every coincidence a new meaning

in every being a new becoming

in every hiding a new revealing

in every end a new beginning

Words are wings for ideas to take flight

Words are rays that bring feelings to light

Words are bridges that span heart to heart

Words are arrows that can tear us apart

Words are legacies we leave when we pass

Words are clothes for our naked thoughts

Words are a balm that can heal our sorrows

Words are paths to yesterdays and tomorrows

Words are mirrors of our minds and thoughts

Words are windows that look into our hearts

Words are memories of loves lost and past

Words are dreams of journeys yet to pass

Words can imprison us and set us free

Words were, words are, words ever will be

My thoughts flit around

Like butterflies

On gossamer wings

Soaring on currents

Of glorious memories

Only to descend steeply

Into melancholy valleys

Pausing on a flower of love

To drink your heady nectar

Till it is time to move on

To lands unknown

And gardens unseen

To fly is to keep living

For thoughts want to be free

Like butterflies

On gossamer wings.

Memory Lane

Today I walked down memory lane

Thought I’d visit with myself in the past

It had been a long time

As I rummaged through my mind

Dusting off cobwebs from what was

I uncovered a scene that lay forgotten

Faded and dimmed by passages of time

As I began to play it back in my mind

It slowly came into focus

I slipped effortlessly into in the past

I was back in the moment

I began to feel like I had felt

And to think what I had thought

It is as if a dam had been broken

I was awash with emotions

And overcome with feelings

As I slowly brought myself back

I realized

That the past lives in the present

Memories are here and now

So be careful when you walk back

Sometimes it is best to let sleeping dogs lie

If the caravan must pass

with the minimum amount of commotion.